Life in 2025 — It's not Easy!

The month of January always holds a little extra meaning for me. It was in January of 1997 I more or less accidentally stumbled upon Elaine Aron's "The Highly Sensitive Person" at a Borders Books and Music store in Austin, Texas.

It's hard to believe it has been 28 YEARS...

I have learned a lot in the course of those 28 years, not just about myself, but also from the thousands of fellow HSPs I have had the pleasure and privilege to meet on this journey... both online and face-to-face.

We are a pretty amazing bunch of people, and we are definitely "of another species!" I say that only somewhat facetiously, because most of us really do see and parse the world differently from the mainstream.

So here we are, at the beginning of another new year, and somehow we have also made it one-quarter of the way into a new millennium. I am not going to talk about "New Year's Resolutions" here, because I feel they are one of those cultural inventions that just result in our placing undue pressure on ourselves (stress) and then dinging our self-esteem (stress) when we fall short of our plans.

I prefer to simply recognize that it is time for something in my life to change, make a plan... and then simply make the changes, without much fanfare or telling anyone. If someone notices something has changed, great!

Whereas I realize that some people feel motivated by a "public announcement", I personally find that I just get stressed out by focusing too much on "other people's opinions" rather than just quietly executing my own plan.

A large part of managing myself as an HSP revolves around simply not participating in the situations that most likely will lead to overwhelm and overstmulation.

As a wise person once told me: "NO is a complete sentence." It's OK — if not essential — to say no.

What I am doing at the moment is "taking stock."

My therapist admitted that she was "not surprised" that I feel perpetually overwhelmed by everything in my life, because I am trying to balance so many things, all at once...

But why?

I expect it is mostly just the way of life, in 2025. The mere business of being alive becomes costlier and costlier at a far more rapid pace than my income grows. In fact, my income has been pretty much stagnant since 2019.

I imagine I am not the only one facing this kind of situation. 

The World is Heavy…

Typically, I try to limit my screen time because the eternal "doom scrolling" I invariably end up entangled in feels both overstimulating and annoying at the same time.

I also try to limit my exposure to politics in the news because that also feels both overstimulating and annoying at the same time.

Over the years, I've had quite a few friends who claim that they're not part of the political process or don't even vote because they feel like their voice doesn't make a difference, anyway. The part of me who feels civically responsible gets annoyed by it, while a different part of me can't really say that I blame them.

Sometimes, you do have to wonder. Is this all just a show we're watching unfold where the deeper and darker truth is that the outcome has already been decided, ahead of time?

I can certainly understand how some people would feel despondent about it all. 

I'm going to stay clear of political commentary because this is not a blog about politics, even though none of us can really hope to remain completely untouched by the effects of what is going on in the world. The only thing I have to say about it all is that we more or less "force" people to retire when they reach about age 70, so I believe — by the same measure — that you should not be able to run for higher elected offices if you're going to be 72 or older at the time you start office.

Otherwise, I'm just going to leave it at the world feels heavy these days. And I don't really know what I or anyone else could do to make it feel lighter.

Anything New to Say?

It occurred to me that I have been the caretaker of this blog for a couple of decades now. That's a long time, especially in "Internet Years!"

In the course of those couple of decades, my interest — as it were — in High Sensitivity has ebbed and flowed.

My original intent was to learn all I could about this trait of ours, and to share my ongoing journey with the world around me. I wasn't trying to be what is today known as a "content creator," nor was I looking to build a following… those have just sort of become byproducts of sharing my thoughts.

In recent times, I have come to recognize that my entire perspective on being an HSP has changed.

For a number of years High Sensitivity was very much interwoven in everything I did, and everything I thought, and everything I felt. By and by, I recognize that the trait sort of faded into the background.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I somehow stopped being Highly Sensitive, it was just a matter of I went from being a person constantly aware of my HSP-ness, to being a person who was having a fundamentally human experience who just happened to be a highly sensitive person.

It's nice to use lessons learned in my daily life but it has been a good long time since I consciously thought of making choices or taking actions (or not doing so) simply because I'm an HSP.

Then... perhaps that is what is meant by the idea that we "fully integrate" the trait.

What got me to take a few minutes to sit down and write these words was that I was once again asked if I had given up writing about the HSP experience.

I thought about it, and realized that my answer actually is in two parts. I'm still a *writer,* and I actively write and keep blogs elsewhere, I just don't write about High Sensitivity very much. It's not the motivating factor in my life, anymore.

After all these years, I am definitely still an HSP, but it's just not very interesting to write about. At least not for me.

And since I am neither actively in a role of being a teacher of, or workshop lecturer on the topic of High Sensitivity I have less to say than I used to.

In a sense, you could draw a parallel to it as getting an education. You go through years of school, and then maybe you go to university for a few years, and maybe you even do graduate studies for a few years, but for most of us there comes a time when you just leave and you go out in the world and you do life. Absolutely, there is no time at which learning ends, but you're not in school anymore!

Does that mean I'm abandoning HSP Notes?

Not at all! There's lots of information here that's probably useful to people and I'll certainly keep it up. At the same time, I ask people to consider the fact that this is not my profession; it's not how I make a living.

And, if it is to be purely a hobby, then I am only going to share something when it seems interesting and relevant to me. Which definitely does happen!

HSP, Sensory Processing Sensitivity, Empath, Asperger's, Autism Spectrum, Neurodivergent - the Changing Landscape of Definitions

Seems like every time I turn my head for a few minutes, some new psychological definition pops up to describe us, both as individuals as well as collectively. 

Part of me thinks this is a wonderful thing because it means there's ongoing exploration of the multi-colored spectrum of human experience we travel through!

The only thing that troubles me sometimes is the same thing that troubles me about the ways of the broader world, in general: Whenever some new "explanation" comes to light, there is an almost inevitable group of people who latch onto aforesaid definition and immediately start their claims that "their way" is the only true explanation out there, and anyone not willing to embrace that is potentially "delusional" and/or "lying to themselves."

There's a certain hidden irony there because often the people at the forefront of these new movements are the same people who are loudly clamoring that the (rest of the) world needs to be more open-minded and inclusive of their differences. 

Ultimately, we all just want to feel understood.

Ultimately, we want to be "part of" something that allows us to feel a little less alone and isolated.

So — particularly if we have felt "lost" for a really long time — it becomes very tempting to join the next "Club of Psychological Acronyms" that comes across our paths... and then to "swear allegiance" to that particular group's interpretation of The Truth... in the process perhaps forsaking the previous explanation we had.

I have always felt very uneasy about throwing the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. Much of the time, it doesn't make sense, and only seems to serve someone's need for solidarity, far more than their need to find answers to, and understanding of, life's mysteries as they uniquely apply to them. 

I like to step back and examine what's at hand through metaphor:

"Having a runny nose" can mean many different things, even though an outside observer sees only one thing; one symptom. You might have allergies. You might have a cold. It might be sinusitis. You might simply suffer from nonallergic rhinitis. Emphatically jumping on the bandwagon of one thing, to the exclusion of the others makes no sense, just because you are given a description!

For many years, some HSPs would search for a "condition" that would allow them to re-classify their sensitivity as something treatable. That always struck me as very sad.

As the same time, we would be wise to look at new (and old!) information with a critical eye, rather than just jump on the next pop-psychology bandwagon to come down the pike. We would also be wise to keep in mind that multiple things might be concurrently applicable!

These days, it has become increasingly "De Rigeur" to slap an "Autism Spectrum" label on anything at all that can be described as "neurodivergent." I'll be the first to say that I am very happy that the world is paying more attention to Autism! At the same time, looking at the HSP population and making a broad-brush declaration that "HSPs are just on the autism spectrum" is ultimately a bit disingenuous, just like earlier declarations that "HSPs just have Asperger's" were disingenuous.

Why do I say this? 

Well, even if we very generously concede that there might be two Autists who are successfully "masking" for every one who's diagnosed, the math still doesn't work. That would give us about 5% of the population "on the Spectrum" while 15-20% of the population are HSPs. 

And that's not about "how I feel," it's simple data analysis. 

In closing, I'll add that it's certainly possible that I am "On the Spectrum" although I don't really fit the diagnostic criteria all that well, typically described as slight-to-borderline. But there is absolutely do doubt that I match up with the HSP descriptions. 

I can make a similar case for certain aspects of living with ADHD... which I most definitely do, and have been since I was a small child. But the typical kind — the "inattentive" kind, that's all about daydraming and zoning out of reality.

It's a genine diagnosis and separate from being and HSP... and yet the two are also deeply enmeshed.

As always — and this is NOT medical advice — Do Your Own Research!

Notes from my Desk: Re-Birth, Once Again... aka "Reality Bites"

Recently, I have been considering things that "fade away" in our lives.

I'm talking about those things that just seem to "leave with a whimper," not those things we make an active decision to end, for one reason or another. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have had many of the former things in my life — in fact, quite a few more than I am willing to admit to.

Most often, the common reason I end up pointing to is "overstimulation," that bugaboo that haunts many HSPs. In my case, "abandoned projects" are almost inevitably the result of launching into a project with enthusiasm, then "something" happens and the project gets temporarily put on the back burner but because life is... well... busy... and I discover that I simply don't have the energy to continue at the same time as also keeping up with "regular life." As more time passes, "temporarily" gradually becomes "permanently."

Not because I don't like the project anymore... but because dealing with it feels like "too much," on top of everything else.

Often, what I think of as "in this moment overstimulation" is replaced with a sort of "long term overstimulation" as I consider the fact that I really do want to continue with some project on my metaphorical back burner, but now it has gone from merely a "resuming" situation, to needing to find six free days to (re)organize everything merely so that I can get back to the point where I originally let things slide. By then it feels like a huge project, and so I am avoiding it, because I know it will feel overwhelming once I get started again.

I suppose we all get involved in something from time to time, and let it slide away. Maybe that's just human nature and not "HSP nature." And seriously? It only bugs me when I recognize that something really worthwhile has gotten away from me... and there is not enough ME to do what I want to do.

So... why am I writing this?

One of the facts of my reality I often end up pondering is how often it feels like there simply isn't "enough ME" to go around; to apply to the things I deem important.

On deeper examination, I end up facing the simple fact that the mere process of "earning a living" as a self-employed person leaves pretty much zero energy in reserve to merely do things for fun. In her books and workshops, Elaine Aron speaks about how it is important for HSPs to not work too much, as a way to manage overstimulation and eventual burnout.

I definitely don't want to work a lot, but in the USA in 2023 many of us don't have much choice. You work a lot, or you end up living in a cardboard box.

There are property taxes due, in a couple of weeks. You pay them, or you lose your home... a realization that what we "have" in life often hangs by a fragile thread. 

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Looking Backwards to Memories in Search of Healing

I will be the first to admit that I have always been a daydreamer and someone who tends to "drift off" on a cloud of thoughts inside my head.

Part of that stems from having a particular version of ADHD (if you believe that's a real "thing"), part of that stems from an eternal quest to find answers.

One of my patterns seems to be that I spend a lot of time "looking backwards." Not in the sense that I am always "reliving" old painful and embarrassing moments — a common thing among we HSPs — but in the sense that I am trying to find "key moments" where my path took a turn that somehow has resulted in struggle and pain, many years later. It almost feels like a desire to go back at look at those moments, with a sad reflection of "if ONLY I had gone left instead of right, maybe things would be different now."

I suppose some people who characterize such thoughts as "regret."

I am not sure.

I don't feel regretful, so much as I feel compelled to somehow "learn something" to help me not make future decisions that lead to more hardship; more iterations of looking back from some future date and considering what I could have done differently... in what is now my present. Of course, it easily becomes an endless loop of speculation, so I don't "go there" very often!

To the degree that there is a pattern, it seems to be that I invariably make really poor decisions during times when I really don't like myself, and don't believe in myself. 

Perhaps the lesson here is that I should just avoid making important decisions at such times... perhaps I would be better served by pausing and working on myself, instead.

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Anniversary Time: 20 Years of HSP Notes!

On September 26th, 2002 I got this crazy idea that I was going to start keeping a blog/journal about the whole "HSP Experience," at least as it was unfolding for me. 

At the time, I had been exploring the concept of being a "Highly Sensitive Person" for a little over five years, having stumbled upon Elaine Aron's first book in January of 1997.

I wasn't actually too sure as to what I was planning to write about, but I had a fair bit of enthusiasm... and I was starting to become quite active in a number of online HSP forums and message board communities, so I figured I could always write about some of the insights and ideas I picked up there. 

Those were the early days of "HSP awareness;" a time where the number of people who were openly aware that they were Highly Sensitive was pretty limited.

The whole idea of "blogging" was also still somewhat new to the world, but I had kept a paper journal for many years, so the idea of writing on a regular basis was not strange to me.

On the other hand, it was a pretty strange "project" for me to undertake; taking on such a public thing to do, for someone whose natural preference was to remain eternally in the shadows where I would not be noticed.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge, since then. More than 250 posts/articles about various aspects of life as an HSP have been written... and that's just on this site.

Alas, I don't write here as much as I once did, but I still feel moderately proud of at least having written something every year for all twenty years! And I know that 20 years is akin to ancient, in an Internet context.

Somewhere along the way, I determined that I was not — after all — going to become someone who spends their life teaching HSPs, at least not in the formal sense. It was an idea I toyed with for about a decade... but it was just never a "shoe" that fit very well.

Instead, I followed a path people often do, when it comes to learning something: We learn what we need to about the fundamentals of some topic, incorporate the learning into our daily lives... and the object of our attention then moves from holding a "centerpiece position" in our lives to simply being something we are always aware of, while no longer our primary defining characteristic.

That's not to say that I am no longer an HSP (as I wrote about, earlier this year), it just means that I am no longer walking down the street waving a metaphorical "HSP flag," I am instead living my life as a Human, who just happens to be an HSP.

And I think that's a pretty good life, all in all!

Do I ever wish I were not an HSP? Honestly... no. I used to wish I were different, but along the way I made peace with exactly who I am, even if that sometimes doesn't suit everyone in my life. In the end, it's my life, not theirs!

Meanwhile, a heartfelt "thank you" to the hundreds of HSPs I have met face-to-face, as well as the thousands I have had contact with through online groups and forums... and especially to the hundreds of thousands who have visited these pages since 2002, and who continue to visit. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people come here... and if even one person finds something useful here that helps make their day/life a little easier, then this whole experiment will have been a success!

And — with a bit of luck — I will still be doing this long enough to have a 25th anniversary, as well!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSPs and Noise: Sometimes You Just Can't Get Away!

A few months back, we noticed that the neighbors across the street seemed to be getting a new roof. 

Here in the rainy Pacific Northwest, that's a pretty normal thing during the summer: The roofers come in, rip the old tiles/shingles off, make a few repairs, lay down new paper, put on new roofing and all is well... usually in a matter of 3-4 days.

After a week or so, we noticed that they seemed to be doing a lot of work with that roof. We still didn't pay it a lot of mind because sometimes there are joists with dry rot that need to be replaced.

After a month or so of hammering and machinery, it became painfully (to our ears!) obvious that they were not getting just "a new roof," but an entirely new roofline. The sudden appearance of a large crane truck was the final giveaway...

We started paying a little more attention, and it turned out that they were not just getting a new roof and roofline, but the entire house was being gutted from the inside out, and was essentially being rebuilt, in place. Not remodeled, rebuilt. 

Side note: In case this sounds a bit odd, our local building codes are such that knocking down an old house and rebuilding is considered "new construction" and requires going through an elaborate permit process, while basically rebuilding a house with the original frame still standing is considered a "remodel" and is a much simpler permit process... even if you are basically spending $500,000 for a "new" house.

So what's my point, here? 

Our bedroom and creative spaces face the street and we wake up to 8:00 power saws, hammering, sudden bangs, sanders and goodness knows what else, day after day after day! What's worse, I think they have some sort of "on-time bonus" going, because sometimes they are also working on weekends. 

I suppose a lot of people might not be bothered because they would be "away at work" during the daytime hours, but both Sarah and I work from home, and we are both HSPs... and the non-stop noise feels exhausting!

Being an HSP and living with unwelcome noise you can't get away from — and which is also perfectly legal, so you can't complain about it — can be extremely stressful. In some ways, it just sucks all the joy out of life... like sitting on the back porch, enjoying our afternoon coffee? Not so much. Tending to the back yard area? Not so much. All we can really do is grin and bear it, and enjoy the few moments of peace and quiet we do get.

So how do you deal with such situations, as an HSP? The best (and possibly only) suggestion I have is to remind yourself that projects like this tend to have an ending, after which things will return to normal.

In the meantime, there are always earplugs and noise-canceling headphones... 

I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!