Anything New to Say?

It occurred to me that I have been the caretaker of this blog for a couple of decades now. That's a long time, especially in "Internet Years!"

In the course of those couple of decades, my interest — as it were — in High Sensitivity has ebbed and flowed.

My original intent was to learn all I could about this trait of ours, and to share my ongoing journey with the world around me. I wasn't trying to be what is today known as a "content creator," nor was I looking to build a following… those have just sort of become byproducts of sharing my thoughts.

In recent times, I have come to recognize that my entire perspective on being an HSP has changed.

For a number of years High Sensitivity was very much interwoven in everything I did, and everything I thought, and everything I felt. By and by, I recognize that the trait sort of faded into the background.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I somehow stopped being Highly Sensitive, it was just a matter of I went from being a person constantly aware of my HSP-ness, to being a person who was having a fundamentally human experience who just happened to be a highly sensitive person.

It's nice to use lessons learned in my daily life but it has been a good long time since I consciously thought of making choices or taking actions (or not doing so) simply because I'm an HSP.

Then... perhaps that is what is meant by the idea that we "fully integrate" the trait.

What got me to take a few minutes to sit down and write these words was that I was once again asked if I had given up writing about the HSP experience.

I thought about it, and realized that my answer actually is in two parts. I'm still a *writer,* and I actively write and keep blogs elsewhere, I just don't write about High Sensitivity very much. It's not the motivating factor in my life, anymore.

After all these years, I am definitely still an HSP, but it's just not very interesting to write about. At least not for me.

And since I am neither actively in a role of being a teacher of, or workshop lecturer on the topic of High Sensitivity I have less to say than I used to.

In a sense, you could draw a parallel to it as getting an education. You go through years of school, and then maybe you go to university for a few years, and maybe you even do graduate studies for a few years, but for most of us there comes a time when you just leave and you go out in the world and you do life. Absolutely, there is no time at which learning ends, but you're not in school anymore!

Does that mean I'm abandoning HSP Notes?

Not at all! There's lots of information here that's probably useful to people and I'll certainly keep it up. At the same time, I ask people to consider the fact that this is not my profession; it's not how I make a living.

And, if it is to be purely a hobby, then I am only going to share something when it seems interesting and relevant to me. Which definitely does happen!

Notes from my Desk: Re-Birth, Once Again... aka "Reality Bites"

Recently, I have been considering things that "fade away" in our lives.

I'm talking about those things that just seem to "leave with a whimper," not those things we make an active decision to end, for one reason or another. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have had many of the former things in my life — in fact, quite a few more than I am willing to admit to.

Most often, the common reason I end up pointing to is "overstimulation," that bugaboo that haunts many HSPs. In my case, "abandoned projects" are almost inevitably the result of launching into a project with enthusiasm, then "something" happens and the project gets temporarily put on the back burner but because life is... well... busy... and I discover that I simply don't have the energy to continue at the same time as also keeping up with "regular life." As more time passes, "temporarily" gradually becomes "permanently."

Not because I don't like the project anymore... but because dealing with it feels like "too much," on top of everything else.

Often, what I think of as "in this moment overstimulation" is replaced with a sort of "long term overstimulation" as I consider the fact that I really do want to continue with some project on my metaphorical back burner, but now it has gone from merely a "resuming" situation, to needing to find six free days to (re)organize everything merely so that I can get back to the point where I originally let things slide. By then it feels like a huge project, and so I am avoiding it, because I know it will feel overwhelming once I get started again.

I suppose we all get involved in something from time to time, and let it slide away. Maybe that's just human nature and not "HSP nature." And seriously? It only bugs me when I recognize that something really worthwhile has gotten away from me... and there is not enough ME to do what I want to do.

So... why am I writing this?

One of the facts of my reality I often end up pondering is how often it feels like there simply isn't "enough ME" to go around; to apply to the things I deem important.

On deeper examination, I end up facing the simple fact that the mere process of "earning a living" as a self-employed person leaves pretty much zero energy in reserve to merely do things for fun. In her books and workshops, Elaine Aron speaks about how it is important for HSPs to not work too much, as a way to manage overstimulation and eventual burnout.

I definitely don't want to work a lot, but in the USA in 2023 many of us don't have much choice. You work a lot, or you end up living in a cardboard box.

There are property taxes due, in a couple of weeks. You pay them, or you lose your home... a realization that what we "have" in life often hangs by a fragile thread. 

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Looking Backwards to Memories in Search of Healing

I will be the first to admit that I have always been a daydreamer and someone who tends to "drift off" on a cloud of thoughts inside my head.

Part of that stems from having a particular version of ADHD (if you believe that's a real "thing"), part of that stems from an eternal quest to find answers.

One of my patterns seems to be that I spend a lot of time "looking backwards." Not in the sense that I am always "reliving" old painful and embarrassing moments — a common thing among we HSPs — but in the sense that I am trying to find "key moments" where my path took a turn that somehow has resulted in struggle and pain, many years later. It almost feels like a desire to go back at look at those moments, with a sad reflection of "if ONLY I had gone left instead of right, maybe things would be different now."

I suppose some people who characterize such thoughts as "regret."

I am not sure.

I don't feel regretful, so much as I feel compelled to somehow "learn something" to help me not make future decisions that lead to more hardship; more iterations of looking back from some future date and considering what I could have done differently... in what is now my present. Of course, it easily becomes an endless loop of speculation, so I don't "go there" very often!

To the degree that there is a pattern, it seems to be that I invariably make really poor decisions during times when I really don't like myself, and don't believe in myself. 

Perhaps the lesson here is that I should just avoid making important decisions at such times... perhaps I would be better served by pausing and working on myself, instead.

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Anniversary Time: 20 Years of HSP Notes!

On September 26th, 2002 I got this crazy idea that I was going to start keeping a blog/journal about the whole "HSP Experience," at least as it was unfolding for me. 

At the time, I had been exploring the concept of being a "Highly Sensitive Person" for a little over five years, having stumbled upon Elaine Aron's first book in January of 1997.

I wasn't actually too sure as to what I was planning to write about, but I had a fair bit of enthusiasm... and I was starting to become quite active in a number of online HSP forums and message board communities, so I figured I could always write about some of the insights and ideas I picked up there. 

Those were the early days of "HSP awareness;" a time where the number of people who were openly aware that they were Highly Sensitive was pretty limited.

The whole idea of "blogging" was also still somewhat new to the world, but I had kept a paper journal for many years, so the idea of writing on a regular basis was not strange to me.

On the other hand, it was a pretty strange "project" for me to undertake; taking on such a public thing to do, for someone whose natural preference was to remain eternally in the shadows where I would not be noticed.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge, since then. More than 250 posts/articles about various aspects of life as an HSP have been written... and that's just on this site.

Alas, I don't write here as much as I once did, but I still feel moderately proud of at least having written something every year for all twenty years! And I know that 20 years is akin to ancient, in an Internet context.

Somewhere along the way, I determined that I was not — after all — going to become someone who spends their life teaching HSPs, at least not in the formal sense. It was an idea I toyed with for about a decade... but it was just never a "shoe" that fit very well.

Instead, I followed a path people often do, when it comes to learning something: We learn what we need to about the fundamentals of some topic, incorporate the learning into our daily lives... and the object of our attention then moves from holding a "centerpiece position" in our lives to simply being something we are always aware of, while no longer our primary defining characteristic.

That's not to say that I am no longer an HSP (as I wrote about, earlier this year), it just means that I am no longer walking down the street waving a metaphorical "HSP flag," I am instead living my life as a Human, who just happens to be an HSP.

And I think that's a pretty good life, all in all!

Do I ever wish I were not an HSP? Honestly... no. I used to wish I were different, but along the way I made peace with exactly who I am, even if that sometimes doesn't suit everyone in my life. In the end, it's my life, not theirs!

Meanwhile, a heartfelt "thank you" to the hundreds of HSPs I have met face-to-face, as well as the thousands I have had contact with through online groups and forums... and especially to the hundreds of thousands who have visited these pages since 2002, and who continue to visit. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people come here... and if even one person finds something useful here that helps make their day/life a little easier, then this whole experiment will have been a success!

And — with a bit of luck — I will still be doing this long enough to have a 25th anniversary, as well!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSPs and Noise: Sometimes You Just Can't Get Away!

A few months back, we noticed that the neighbors across the street seemed to be getting a new roof. 

Here in the rainy Pacific Northwest, that's a pretty normal thing during the summer: The roofers come in, rip the old tiles/shingles off, make a few repairs, lay down new paper, put on new roofing and all is well... usually in a matter of 3-4 days.

After a week or so, we noticed that they seemed to be doing a lot of work with that roof. We still didn't pay it a lot of mind because sometimes there are joists with dry rot that need to be replaced.

After a month or so of hammering and machinery, it became painfully (to our ears!) obvious that they were not getting just "a new roof," but an entirely new roofline. The sudden appearance of a large crane truck was the final giveaway...

We started paying a little more attention, and it turned out that they were not just getting a new roof and roofline, but the entire house was being gutted from the inside out, and was essentially being rebuilt, in place. Not remodeled, rebuilt. 

Side note: In case this sounds a bit odd, our local building codes are such that knocking down an old house and rebuilding is considered "new construction" and requires going through an elaborate permit process, while basically rebuilding a house with the original frame still standing is considered a "remodel" and is a much simpler permit process... even if you are basically spending $500,000 for a "new" house.

So what's my point, here? 

Our bedroom and creative spaces face the street and we wake up to 8:00 power saws, hammering, sudden bangs, sanders and goodness knows what else, day after day after day! What's worse, I think they have some sort of "on-time bonus" going, because sometimes they are also working on weekends. 

I suppose a lot of people might not be bothered because they would be "away at work" during the daytime hours, but both Sarah and I work from home, and we are both HSPs... and the non-stop noise feels exhausting!

Being an HSP and living with unwelcome noise you can't get away from — and which is also perfectly legal, so you can't complain about it — can be extremely stressful. In some ways, it just sucks all the joy out of life... like sitting on the back porch, enjoying our afternoon coffee? Not so much. Tending to the back yard area? Not so much. All we can really do is grin and bear it, and enjoy the few moments of peace and quiet we do get.

So how do you deal with such situations, as an HSP? The best (and possibly only) suggestion I have is to remind yourself that projects like this tend to have an ending, after which things will return to normal.

In the meantime, there are always earplugs and noise-canceling headphones... 

I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSPs, Responsibility, Conscientiousness... and Obligations

If you have ever completed Dr. Elaine Aron's "sensitivity self test," one of the items in the questionnaire reads "I am conscientious."

I suppose many people would like to think of themselves as conscientious, but HSPs seem to be especially so, sometimes to the point where it can start to feel like a burden, in some respects.

It is that burden aspect I want to touch on, today...

As part of ongoing self-awareness of what it means to be highly sensitive, we each have to learn where our potential "traps" exist. By traps, I mean the places where the attributes of our personality that feel natural to might end up causing us suffering in our engagement with the external world.

In looking back across my life, one of my "traps" has been my tendency to keep my promises and keep engaging in a certain activity even if it is no longer appreciated (or taken for granted), and it increasingly feels like a drag and obligation to keep going.

"Well, I promised I would... so I WILL keep  doing this, even though I wish I didn't have to!"

How often has that little voice spoken up, inside your head?

In time, I became aware that it is very easy for me to go from a place of happily volunteering to do something helpful — for another person, or an organization — to feeling like I have become trapped in something that now feels like an obligation... and offers me little of the joy I felt when I first got involved.

The "problem" is that there are many people in the greater world who discover that an HSP friend of theirs is super reliable and always does their best... something that can often be quite a rarity in our world!

And so, you might end up with a scenario like I have experienced a number of times, in which I was allegedly "temporary assistance" but because I have done an exemplary and efficient job — being "conscientious" — I seem to have become "permanented," without any conversation about it.

I volunteered to help out, not to take on a permanent obligation!

As I have aged, I have increasingly avoided responsibility, and tend to back away quietly, whenever someone needs help with some kind of project or problem. I do this because responsibility ends up feeling like an obligation pretty quickly, and in turn obligations soon enough leave me feeling overstimulated. 

In case you are wondering how and why... it's because the obligations feel frustrating, and frustration = overstimulation.

"But you used to be so nice and helpful!"

Sometimes I hear those words, and they definitely sting a bit! But then I also pause and consider the fact that when others classify me as "nice," what they are sometimes really saying is "you used to not have boundaries and I could walk all over you!"

It's no fun feeling like you are being used, and having healthy personal boundaries is an essential part of living a balanced life, as a highly sensitive person.

One of the better truisms I have heard along the way is this: "No is a complete sentence!"

Worth keeping in mind, as part of our self-awareness and setting of personal boundaries!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Life Feels "More Normal," but Will it EVER Be?

Midsummer has passed.

Were I back in Denmark, we would have had the annual bonfires on the beach to celebrate summer. Instead, I find myself sitting here, revisiting memories of the last time we were in Denmark.

It was in 2015, and things were "normal," then. Sometimes I wonder whether the pre-Covid world really was "normal?" 

Seems like life is slowly returning to some semblance of normalcy, even though I am not entirely sure what that even means. Restrictions are being lifted, and now travel to Denmark has become rather easier than it used to be, with the requirement to have valid "vaccine passports" having been dropped, at least in Denmark.

I bring up "normal" because it's a term we HSPs often find ourselves thinking about, although not in connection with Covid-19 and the world. What would it be like to be "normal," some of us wonder.

Over the years, this has sometimes become a heated discussion in some of the online forums, HSP meetups and retreats I have attended. I have never quite been able to get behind the whole idea that somehow "normal" is better than the way I am. I can recognize how normal might be more convenient in certain respects, but that isn't necessarily better.

Meanwhile, is humanity any better off, as a result of having had to pause and look at a greater threat... one that kept us locked in our homes (in many cases) for extended periods of time.

Will people remember any of the insights they might have gained, as a result of this involuntary introspection? Or will things — barring another severe outbreak — simply return to the way they were before Covid-19?

I was already a cautious type person before this all started, and now I am even more of a person who always thinks things through before taking a course of action. No impulsiveness here!

The feeling I am left with is that the entire idea of a return visit to Denmark doesn't feel as joyful as it once did, almost like the past 2 1/2 years or so cast a permanent shadow that no degree of superficial normalcy will be able to remove.

Thanks for stopping by!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSP Living: Construction... and Destruction

When I was a child — long before anyone knew such a thing as "Being a Highly Sensitive Person" existed — I often found myself wondering at the inconsistencies of the world... and especially the inconsistencies in the people around me.

The inner conundrum — which is one I continue to puzzle over today, almost 50 years later — always was centered around the same core question:

"Why — for so many people — do anger, violence and DE-struction seem preferable over love, friendship and CON-struction?"

Now, I know a million psychological and "consciousness" platitudes that seem to let violence, anger and destructiveness off the hook by serving up a hot steaming dish of rationalizations for those who are "in pain" and "suffering" and so forth and so on.

Maybe there are some nuggets of truth in there, but these mostly feel like platitudes; clever sayings that allow some to sound "wise and superior" without actually addressing this troubling side of the human condition, head on. Meanwhile, we are actually enabling bad behavior by teaching that such action really does not have consequences. So why better yourself, if staying the same — however negative — always earns you a "hall pass?"

Some argue that we simply "can't help it" because it's human nature to behave in such fashions. But that suggests people aren't capable of making conscious choices about their behavior.

I bring these ideas into question because I have suffered and been in pain plenty, thank you... yet my response to these states (even in my highly UN-enlightened days) was definitely NOT "anger, violence and destruction." Don't get me wrong... I'm not arguing that we have a choice in experiencing these things, just that we have a choice in what we do with those experiences.

We have a choice to become personally accountable for our actions, rather than sliding into the "I can't help it, because _____" line of thinking.

But living consciously is also a lot of work, and some of it can be rather emotionally disturbing, as we uncover that we are perhaps not really the "nice people" we've built our self-image around.

It all starts with self-awareness, and a sincere desire to change for the better...

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!