Absence

(This post was originally written on 3/23/08, but only saved as a draft-- I had second thoughts about publishing this, but decided to, anyway... as some HSPs might recognize their own process, here.)

I am in one of my "in" periods.

Elaine Aron wrote about HSPs being "in" and "out," depending on how much they need to be recharging their batteries. I have been "in" a lot, recently-- because life and some personal issues have forced me to be very "out" and dealing with them. I won't go into details about that. However, I have felt "stretched thin" for quite some time, now.

During times like these, I find myself annoyed that I am highly sensitive-- at least to the degree that I recognize that if I were not so easily overstimulated, I would not be having nearly as much of a "personal crisis" at this time. I would just be like other people-- throw up my hands, go "shit happens," and get on with my life.

I observe myself growing annoyed that I am so easily "derailed" when the unfortunate things of life come up. And that annoyance actually adds to my sense of overwhelm.

And then I also get annoyed at small things. I put a lot of effort into revitalizing this blog-- for example-- and now "other circumstances" have come up... and I feel like a bunch of my previous efforts have just been a waste of time.

And often, I feel annoyed that what I want to do seems incapable of supporting me financially, so I end up making a living from things that just feel like I have to do them. Because I have no other choices. Realistically speaking.

I observe myself, and notice something interesting: Even though a central part of the HSP trait involves taking quiet time, and recharging the batteries, I find that "in" periods annoy me, make me feel angry... usually because "something came up" and forced me to be extensively "out," and not because I wanted to be.

This sounds like too much of a whiny post to publish...