At The Edge of Tears: Reflections on the General State of the World

One of those “things” that seem to go hand in hand with being an HSP — I'm sure this is no new news to anyone — is that we tend to break into tears very easily.

Lately, I have increasingly found myself in a freame of mind where I feel like I am almost always on the edge of tears... for no particular reason.

I go through the usual “12 point check” for myself, trying to determine whether this sadness is coming from somebody else rather than myself; trying to remember whether there is some important anniversary of a tragic event that I've overlooked somehow; considering whether I got some bad news from a friend via social media... but these days I always come up blank.

This resigns me to the fact that what keeps me at the edge of tears all the time is simply the world at large. As best I can describe it these particular tears are related to a pervasive sense of frustration, exasperation, resignation, sadness, disappointment... I just can't quite come up with a word that concisely and elegantly encapsulates my mind.

Whatever it is, I just want to cry about it.

I think perhaps what I am so often tempted to weep for this is the sensation that we live in a world that on one level seems to be changing constantly and yet when we pull back the curtain and look at the underpinnings of humanity nothing has really changed.

I have wandered around on this planet for a little over 60 years now, and we still have wars and we still have famine and we still have domestic violence and we still have child abuse and we still have addiction and we still have pretty much every problem “the adults” were talking about when I was a little kid.

How can that not make a conscious and thinking person feel sad?

It's tempting to take the easy way out and make COVID-19 the scapegoat, but that really doesn't address the deeper issue. COVID is merely a symptom of a world out of balance; a world that has been out of balance for a very long time.

Not related...

I am writing as much as ever these days; this blog has just not been a venue I have been using very often. I'm sorry for that. It's not that I don't consider myself an HSP anymore (of course I'm still in HSP!), it's just that in the last few years things other than “hello, I'm an HSP!” have been taking center stage in my life.

All in all, I think that is part of the natural evolution we undergo as we familiarize ourselves with high sensitivity as an inborn trait. It's all exciting and takes center stage in our existence for a while, but there comes a time — unless we are called to teach — where we simply move on and incorporate the knowledge we have into our daily lives, without making it the only thing we're ever thinking about.

And yet? From time to time I long to slip back into that mode where “being an HSP” becomes almost like my hobby; a point of comfort I could always return to and seek refuge in whenever the world seemed a bit rough.

"Ah well, I'm a Highly Sensitive Person, so therefore..."

Anyway, I'm rambling a bit here so I guess I had better post this before I get too longwinded!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Moment for reflection: No, I Didn’t Stop “Being an HSP!”

As I sit here reflecting on a rainy afternoon, I found myself pondering a question somebody asked me not too long ago: they quite sincerely commented on my Facebook page as to ”why I had stopped being an HSP.”

I felt a little taken aback by the question because you can't stop being an HSP, since we're dealing with an ingrown trait here... and the person wondering was an HSP, herself.

But I chose not to fall into "affronted and reactionary" mode and instead pondered the deeper meaning of the inquiry. 

The point , of course, was that I didn't seem to be writing about HSPs anymore, and I wasn't active on HSP forums the way I had been in the past, and I had to confess that I had reached a point where the whole highly sensitive person community just didn't seem like it was very interesting to me anymore. I could even look at the posting archive of this HSP Notes blog and see a distinct dropoff in the frequency of my new contributions.

The person who had commented was not actually being critical, they were lamenting my absence. 

It will soon be 25 years since I first came across the term “Highly Sensitive Person.” That could very well be one-third of my life!

I think it would be safe to say that we all go through an evolution of sorts from the first moment we learn that there is actually a name for this “thing” that we are to the present moment we find ourselves in. 

Some years back I reached the point where I realized that the statement “I am an HSP” no longer was appropriate as the centerpiece of my self-definition. Yes, I am still in HSP, but I don't really have anything to prove and I don't really have a world I need to change anymore. That is, I'm not on some kind of active crusade to make everybody aware of the trait of high sensitivity. 

There was a time when I was, and I even thought I would end up teaching and giving workshops about the HSP trait. But I realized that it was/is not really who I am! 

In other words, I have moved on to the next phase of my life, one in which I am simply a PERSON living their life and “being an HSP” is simply one of many attributes that describe me. 

I suppose this is a change on some level, because there was a time when “teaching” was more important to me. I can't say exactly when it happened, but at some point I decided that I'm really not a teacher and that there are others out there who do a much better job of it than I do. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy passing along information to somebody who's struggling to find their path through life, it just means I don't go actively seeking it anymore. 

As such, the “HSP Notes” blog and website is perhaps becoming less about parts of the trait itself, and more about how a human being — who happens to be an HSP — is living their life.  

Somebody else had asked me if I had “grown bored” with being part of the HSP community. The answer to that is also “no.” More than anything, it is as I determined before: that I don't really have a great interest in being a teacher, nor in being a "banner bearer" for the HSP movement.

And with that, we can perhaps find another puzzle piece in the evolution of an HSP: I have reached a place in my life where I openly embrace what I want to do, rather than feel pressured to do what others think I “should” do. 

And I believe that's an important point to make here. I think it is true of many highly sensitive people that they tend to succumb to feelings of “obligation” rather more often than is healthy, and when that really isn't their highest and best path. 

Anyway, I felt compelled to put out a few words while I'm sitting here in the middle of doing some minor redesign work on the HSP Notes website.

Part of what I will be doing, is adding more links to the other places where I write. That, in itself, is another of my puzzle pieces: I still love to write but my writing has changed from writing about being an HSP to writing whatever it is I want to write, albeit through the eyes of an HSP. Maybe those two sound very similar but they're actually a bit different. 

How different? Well, that remains to be explored!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Just Because You WANT it Doesn't Make it TRUE!

Some things come to me as fairly clear ideas, but are not easy to explain, all the same.

Sometimes HSP's seem to run into some trouble because there is a big difference between having philosophical leanings and actually having a genetic trait. What I mean to say is that simply "feeling very sensitive" is a different thing from actually being hard wired to be highly sensitive .

People ascribe certain attributes to the trait of High Sensitivity. One of the things I wanted to touch on here, is the fact that a lot of people who attribute these characteristics to HSP's are — in fact —  not HSP's themselves .

One of the common sources for unusual dichotomies and misinformed thinking is the field of metaphysics. People claim that they're "highly sensitive" because they enjoy talking to trees and have lots of healing crystals in their personal space and perhaps possess certain extrasensory gifts.

What I was hoping to clarify in this particular situation is that indeed there are lots of HSP's who enjoy crystals and talking to trees and are into metaphysics, however whereas there might be a correlation, such apparent "sensitivities" are not necessarily an indicator of being an HSP, in the scientific context Elaine Aron defined. 

Let's face it, there are also lots of people who enjoy crystals and metaphysics and astrology who have nothing to do with being a Highly Sensitive Person.

Understand that the trait of high sensitivity is a genetic trait not something you can just choose one day because of an interest, nor is it even something you can become. 

You either are, or you're not. 

Lest this all sounds a bit IN-sensitive, keep in mind that when you are trying to live an authentic life, you gain nothing by pretending to be something you are not... however interesting or alluring that "something" might be!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSPs, Overwhelm and Procrastination

I tend to be a horrible procrastinator!

Now, I'm not for a moment trying to claim that procrastination is part of the HSP trait... but the more I think about it, the more I recognize that sometimes there is a link there.

For example, I will put off doing things I "have to" do, when I also know that those things are likely to leave me feeling overstimulated and strung out. 

That one's pretty obvious! I believe that happens to many who are Highly Sensitive.

However, more often I end up procrastinating because I will sit down in the morning and look at all the things that need to be done on that day, and then I will realize that the workload at hand is huge, and then I will start feeling overwhelmed because of the realization that there is no way I'll get it all done.

And when I start feeling overwhelmed, I can also sense that the procrastination starts to set in... as a result of feeling frustration and futility. Feeling overwhelmed knocks my actual productivity for a loop, and I end up sitting there, sorting my pencils or something else... a bit like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights.

"What's the point of even STARTING, when it's perfectly obvious I won't be able to FINISH?"

This is a part of my life that has become more pronounced as I have aged and have realized that there so often is "more LIFE than there is ME to deal with it."

When I was younger, I would just forge ahead regardless, exhaust myself and end up feeling depressed and dejected at my "inability" to handle life's workload.

There days, I'm far less willing to end up like that.

With that, comes the realization of just how important it is for HSPs to strive for "simplicity" in their lives. The fewer "plates" we have to try to keep spinning, the more likely we are to be able to manage that creeping sensation that we're about to become overwhelmed by the task(s) at hand. 

Simplify, simplify, simplify...

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!